The Bad of ‘Good’ Feedback: Tone

What has more impact - what you actually say, or the tone you deliver it in?

Years ago I had to give some feedback to a team member on a behaviour which was causing headaches with the executive.

Knowing a bit about performance conversations, I prepared well. I:

• chose a neutral space which afforded some privacy

• focused on the observable facts

• described the impact of their actions

• offered constructive suggestions

It should have gone well. But it didn’t.

What I hadn’t done, was assuage my irritation.

I sounded annoyed (and I was).  All my team members could hear was my irritation - they felt unsafe and weren’t able to take on board the constructive parts of my message.

I got the tone wrong.

The research backs this up - you can deliver an unfavourable message with a ‘warm' tone – and still win people over.

You can deliver a favourable message with a ‘harsh’ tone and the recipient won’t be able to hear you.

So, in addition to all the above, you need to get yourself into a good ‘state’.

Remember -start with warmth and show strength after you have built rapport. 

Do you project warmth?

I hope you’ve enjoyed this series “The Bad of Good Feedback”.

You should like a copy of my framework for productive flex work conversations - get in touch.